So I hoped I'd get further before a bad day and I hope to get further again without a bad day. So what was it three days? I'm aiming for four next week! It's hard to convey sarcasm here. That was sarcastic. I'll have to get a sign!
So I'll get to my bad day later but first I want to write about something, I'm sitting here this morning watching "Katie Hopkins: My Fat Story" and cleaning the house.
I don't know if anyone has seen this but it has annoyed me. I look at it and I know it's not ok to be overweight. I can't speak for anyone else and I know that some people love the way they are at whatever weight they are and that is their perogitive. I suppose the only thing I can say is that factually it is not ok to be overweight and it is not ok to be underweight. That is fact. Everyone is entitled to there own life choices but what is irratating me about Katies opinions is that she has not struggled with food her whole life. I know people argue the genetics thing and personally I only allow myself a small per cent of "Well all my family are over weight so it must be genetic", maybe half a per cent. I never bought into the opinion that I was overweight because of my family or my genetics. I may have a propensity to gain weight genetically, a slow metabolism or some other thing but I also have the choice to do something about it. I'm not saying that this is easy. It is the hardest thing I will probably ever do in my life because while I don't buy into the "genetically fat" thing but I definitely think that food is an addiction and Katie Hopkins is not addicted to food.
She will loose weight as soon as she reduces her calories. I don't eat 6000 calories a day. I eat between 1700 and 200 and I exercise and I struggle to lose weight. So this is not a fair experiment. That is my problem with this. She forced herself to eat the food. It was difficult for her to eat the food. It is not hard for me. I could eat that in a day and I know it. I am irratated by her blase statements. Most fat people are hard enough on themselves and her extra awfulness isn't really neccessary. I spent my childhood being lambasted by my father, negitively attacked about my weight, forced into exercise and made to feel judged by him every time I ate. It culminated in me paying alot of money to loose four stone unhealthily and develop bulemia.
That is what fat blasting did to me. I spent just one year making myself sick all the time and I am sorry for the content of this post but I am very annoyed by this show. I was lucky to curb the issue so quickly. Other people suffer for years and I still suffer from some of the after effects of that year, one of the worst of my life but in my mind that awfulness was easier then seeing my fathers dissappointment as I gained weight once more, as I failed again. I failed because I did not beat my food addictiona dn I did not encorporate a healthy exercise regime into my daily life. Katie is right about one thing, to loose weight you don't need to do some crazy fad diet you need to eat less and move more but that is not as easy as it sounds.
I gained back every pound I lost and added a stone on to it. I met my boyfriend and he has done nothing but encourage me and it is with him that I know I will lose weight. I do not mean that it is only with him that I can lose weight but for the first time in my life I have positive support. Someone who does not judge me, someone who walks with me but doesnt force me to push further or go every day.
Katie Hopkins opinion that fat people should be bombarded with abuse etc is entirely counterproductive.
I just got irratated by this, she has never been inside my mind when I zero in on a craving and want something. I am scared by it. I cannot easliy disuade myself when I want to eat a fifth slice of cake. It is not a serious as drug addiction but by god try and get between me and food when I want it and I will kill you. I have argued with my boyfriend over the smallest comment about food. If I want something my brain will convince me I need to have it. It is nothing short of an addiction and I am struggling with it every day. My friend might drive through mac donalds drive through and think nothing of not ordering but in my mind the call is too strong. I need it right then when I'm there. For me to go through and order something is a small success. Or not even so small. Food is everywhere and I spend large protions of my day fighting my extremely strong cravings. An addict can usualy go cold turkey and avoid the substanse they are additiced too. I cannot. Food is everywhere. If someone was an alcholic the people in their lives would never offer them a drink. I walk in the door to my mothers house and the offers come "would you like a sandwich...some biscuits...some cake...a scone" and I have to steel my resources and say no every time when my mind is screaming eat it. Does she have to go through that. No. She doesn't it is as simple as that. Her body fights the food. Her mind says please no more so she will never, ever understand how it feels to be obese. She can understand how it fees phsically but she will never understand it emotionally.
Rant over.
Now myself I had a weak day yesterday. I ate mc donalds for breakfast and did badly for the rest of the day and I will put my hands up. I blamed it on tiredness and a long week but in reality it was just a weak day on my part. I was tried. It was a long week but I will have more days like that and they are the days I have to be strong. So my goal for this week is to be strong on the bad days. I will get through the next six days from now until next saturday and I will not go over my goal once.
Then we'll deal with the week after when it arrives!
My measurements for this week:
Chest: 46.5 inches
Waist: 43.5 inches
Stomach: 54.5 inches
Arms: 18 inches
Thighs: 34 inches
I think those measurements have scared me more than anything. I have gained at least two inches in most places since I last did them I think I'm going to skip on the scales for a while and just measure. In two weeks time I'm going to measure again and we'll see how I'm going.
So thats all I can manage for the moment. I'm off horseriding!
No comments:
Post a Comment