Still going strong

So here I am, more than a month into the new year and a few weeks in into my really truly serious attempt to loose weight. I am currently down eight pounds and half an inch from every measurement!
Before thus wouldn't have seemed big enough but my heads in a better place and I am well and truly ecstatic about these results!
I also have my phone back so better access to a camera etc hence the few snaps in this post starting with NEW HAIR!!!!

I LOVE DYING MY HAIR!
and it is always a snap decision. I woke up this morning and was like "fuck it, why not!
and this is the result:

And yes I need to dye the top of my hair and I planned too. I bought the dye and everything and my dear boyfriend decided to "tidy" one day and they disappeared. I cannot find them anywhere.

I am just a colour whore. I love them, these colours in particular, if everything in my house/life were a variation of these colours I'd be happy.

I've been good for some tasty healthy meals over the last few days perhaps not including the one above but for a chocoholic I need a bit of chocolate every now and then. I can't deal with cold turkey.

 This one was definitely a bit better, some delicious grapes and bananas and a lovely chicken curry!
I'm starting to enjoy healthy eating again! It can be more effort to prep but I'd rather do that and see the scales go downwards tbh.

I've also been out and about all week with the kids. It's freezing (for ireland) at the moment here but the weather is stunningly crisp. I love this weather. Wrap up well and you don't even notice the cold. It's just so beautiful out!

My job is great and sees me in parks(above) and on beaches (right) and back in the park invariably most days. Kids love slides. "Big slide" is the phrase of the day for me most days. When I walk in every morning that's what I hear. "Sher Sher (James is only two and can't say Caoimhe) biga slide?" the "biga" is on purpose, he can't say big without an added "a" yet.

I was sick last week all week long..it was horrible. I hate not being up and about. I kept trying to clean etc but I'd get super weak and have to sit down. It was frustrating, probably more so for my poor boyf because I was like a demon. I hate not doing anything. But because of it I didn't exercise all week. In fact aside from work this week I didn't get much this week either. I was still too drained but I'm going back to Pilates tonight (god love me I wont be able to move in two days time!) and I'm very much looking forward to it. Also I am thankfully down half an inch from everywhere so I'm feeling quite bolstered about that!

In other news I watched the good wife season 5 episode 15 this week. I wont give away anything so no spoilers don't worry but let me just say bravo writers. I am a tv show person and I love a good one. I'm a battlestar fan, a firefly fan, I watch the walking dea and all the other hip shows, in fact my repertoire of shows is an embarrassing tell of how much time I spent watching tv in college but the good wife is my current obsession because...well its wonderful. Friends have tried in vain to make me watch it before this but I resisted because I'm a fantasy/sci fi kinda girl and lawyer shows have never caught my attention before but when it popped up enough times on Netflix and I was in need of a good old binge (tv binge mind you) I gave it a go. I soon had my boyfriend and myself hooked and it has been our nightly routine for weeks. Hanging on every word screaming with frustration at every up and down and most importantly getting extremely invested in the characters. It is safe to say that we are addicts. And then season five happened. As I said no spoilers here but my heart will forever be just a tint bit broken. It was so out of the blue and devastating. I honestly think it affected me more than most other bombshells from most shows including the red wedding and other such awful moments from all the greats. I have gone cold turkey. I spent the ep crying and insisting i hated the show, especially because they'd made me love it so. I have refused point blank to watch it since. I just can't. My boyfriend has told me I can have the week and then I have to push through. And I will. Reluctantly. Very very very reluctantly. So I advise people to watch it but steel yourself for pain. And I mean pain.

I also had some good news today. Mydoctor took some bloods last week and one of them was to check for diabetes. I was terrified that I had gone too far and irreparably damaged my body but thankfully it was all good news. In fact excellent news. My bloods were perfect. My cholesterol was perfect my liver, kidneys and heart functioning to the best of their ability. Most importantly, no diabetes. I think this was the fright I needed. I might not be so lucky the next time if I continue without changing anything. So I was really pleased to hear this and I was able to take a proper breath for the first time since I had the bloods.

Just because I'm in a good mood I'm going to throw in a bonus pic of my adorable little worm kitten sitting in my washing machine!

So that would be my update for the moment. I am, again going to try do this more regularly (I don't think it will ever happen) but we'll see. I'm now going to go back to pacing in my kitchen watching tv and trying to hit 10,000 steps today!

The post I hoped wouldn't happen so soon.

So I hoped I'd get further before a bad day and I hope to get further again without a bad day. So what was it three days? I'm aiming for four next week! It's hard to convey sarcasm here. That was sarcastic. I'll have to get a sign!

So I'll get to my bad day later but first I want to write about something, I'm sitting here this morning watching "Katie Hopkins: My Fat Story" and cleaning the house.

I don't know if anyone has seen this but it has annoyed me. I look at it and I know it's not ok to be overweight. I can't speak for anyone else and I know that some people love the way they are at whatever weight they are and that is their perogitive. I suppose the only thing I can say is that factually it is not ok to be overweight and it is not ok to be underweight. That is fact. Everyone is entitled to there own life choices but what is irratating me about Katies opinions is that she has not struggled with food her whole life. I know people argue the genetics thing and personally I only allow myself a small per cent of "Well all my family are over weight so it must be genetic", maybe half a per cent. I never bought into the opinion that I was overweight because of my family or my genetics. I may have a propensity to gain weight genetically, a slow metabolism or some other thing but I also have the choice to do something about it. I'm not saying that this is easy. It is the hardest thing I will probably ever do in my life because while I don't buy into the "genetically fat" thing but I definitely think that food is an addiction and Katie Hopkins is not addicted to food.

She will loose weight as soon as she reduces her calories. I don't eat 6000 calories a day. I eat between 1700 and 200 and I exercise and I struggle to lose weight. So this is not a fair experiment. That is my problem with this. She forced herself to eat the food. It was difficult for her to eat the food. It is not hard for me. I could eat that in a day and I know it. I am irratated by her blase statements. Most fat people are hard enough on themselves and her extra awfulness isn't really neccessary. I spent my childhood being lambasted by my father, negitively attacked about my weight, forced into exercise and made to feel judged by him every time I ate. It culminated in me paying alot of money to loose four stone unhealthily and develop bulemia.

That is what fat blasting did to me. I spent just one year making myself sick all the time and I am sorry for the content of this post but I am very annoyed by this show. I was lucky to curb the issue so quickly. Other people suffer for years and I still suffer from some of the after effects of that year, one of the worst of my life but in my mind that awfulness was easier then seeing my fathers dissappointment as I gained weight once more, as I failed again. I failed because I did not beat my food addictiona dn I did not encorporate a healthy exercise regime into my daily life. Katie is right about one thing, to loose weight you don't need to do some crazy fad diet you need to eat less and move more but that is not as easy as it sounds.

I gained back every pound I lost and added a stone on to it. I met my boyfriend and he has done nothing but encourage me and it is with him that I know I will lose weight. I do not mean that it is only with him that I can lose weight but for the first time in my life I have positive support. Someone who does not judge me, someone who walks with me but doesnt force me to push further or go every day.

Katie Hopkins opinion that fat people should be bombarded with abuse etc is entirely counterproductive.

I just got irratated by this, she has never been inside my mind when I zero in on a craving and want something. I am scared by it. I cannot easliy disuade myself when I want to eat a fifth slice of cake. It is not a serious as drug addiction but by god try and get between me and food when I want it and I will kill you. I have argued with my boyfriend over the smallest comment about food. If I want something my brain will convince me I need to have it. It is nothing short of an addiction and I am struggling with it every day. My friend might drive through mac donalds drive through and think nothing of not ordering but in my mind the call is too strong. I need it right then when I'm there. For me to go through and order something is a small success. Or not even so small. Food is everywhere and I spend large protions of my day fighting my extremely strong cravings. An addict can usualy go cold turkey and avoid the substanse they are additiced too. I cannot. Food is everywhere. If someone was an alcholic the people in their lives would never offer them a drink. I walk in the door to my mothers house and the offers come "would you like a sandwich...some biscuits...some cake...a scone" and I have to steel my resources and say no every time when my mind is screaming eat it. Does she have to go through that. No. She doesn't it is as simple as that. Her body fights the food. Her mind says please no more so she will never, ever understand how it feels to be obese. She can understand how it fees phsically but she will never understand it emotionally.

Rant over.

Now myself I had a weak day yesterday. I ate mc donalds for breakfast and did badly for the rest of the day and I will put my hands up. I blamed it on tiredness and a long week but in reality it was just a weak day on my part. I was tried. It was a long week but I will have more days like that and they are the days I have to be strong. So my goal for this week is to be strong on the bad days. I will get through the next six days from now until next saturday and I will not go over my goal once.

Then we'll deal with the week after when it arrives!

My measurements for this week:
Chest: 46.5 inches
Waist: 43.5 inches
Stomach: 54.5 inches
Arms: 18 inches
Thighs: 34 inches

I think those measurements have scared me more than anything. I have gained at least two inches in most places since I last did them I think I'm going to skip on the scales for a while and just measure. In two weeks time I'm going to measure again and we'll see how I'm going.

So thats all I can manage for the moment. I'm off horseriding!