Still going strong

So here I am, more than a month into the new year and a few weeks in into my really truly serious attempt to loose weight. I am currently down eight pounds and half an inch from every measurement!
Before thus wouldn't have seemed big enough but my heads in a better place and I am well and truly ecstatic about these results!
I also have my phone back so better access to a camera etc hence the few snaps in this post starting with NEW HAIR!!!!

I LOVE DYING MY HAIR!
and it is always a snap decision. I woke up this morning and was like "fuck it, why not!
and this is the result:

And yes I need to dye the top of my hair and I planned too. I bought the dye and everything and my dear boyfriend decided to "tidy" one day and they disappeared. I cannot find them anywhere.

I am just a colour whore. I love them, these colours in particular, if everything in my house/life were a variation of these colours I'd be happy.

I've been good for some tasty healthy meals over the last few days perhaps not including the one above but for a chocoholic I need a bit of chocolate every now and then. I can't deal with cold turkey.

 This one was definitely a bit better, some delicious grapes and bananas and a lovely chicken curry!
I'm starting to enjoy healthy eating again! It can be more effort to prep but I'd rather do that and see the scales go downwards tbh.

I've also been out and about all week with the kids. It's freezing (for ireland) at the moment here but the weather is stunningly crisp. I love this weather. Wrap up well and you don't even notice the cold. It's just so beautiful out!

My job is great and sees me in parks(above) and on beaches (right) and back in the park invariably most days. Kids love slides. "Big slide" is the phrase of the day for me most days. When I walk in every morning that's what I hear. "Sher Sher (James is only two and can't say Caoimhe) biga slide?" the "biga" is on purpose, he can't say big without an added "a" yet.

I was sick last week all week long..it was horrible. I hate not being up and about. I kept trying to clean etc but I'd get super weak and have to sit down. It was frustrating, probably more so for my poor boyf because I was like a demon. I hate not doing anything. But because of it I didn't exercise all week. In fact aside from work this week I didn't get much this week either. I was still too drained but I'm going back to Pilates tonight (god love me I wont be able to move in two days time!) and I'm very much looking forward to it. Also I am thankfully down half an inch from everywhere so I'm feeling quite bolstered about that!

In other news I watched the good wife season 5 episode 15 this week. I wont give away anything so no spoilers don't worry but let me just say bravo writers. I am a tv show person and I love a good one. I'm a battlestar fan, a firefly fan, I watch the walking dea and all the other hip shows, in fact my repertoire of shows is an embarrassing tell of how much time I spent watching tv in college but the good wife is my current obsession because...well its wonderful. Friends have tried in vain to make me watch it before this but I resisted because I'm a fantasy/sci fi kinda girl and lawyer shows have never caught my attention before but when it popped up enough times on Netflix and I was in need of a good old binge (tv binge mind you) I gave it a go. I soon had my boyfriend and myself hooked and it has been our nightly routine for weeks. Hanging on every word screaming with frustration at every up and down and most importantly getting extremely invested in the characters. It is safe to say that we are addicts. And then season five happened. As I said no spoilers here but my heart will forever be just a tint bit broken. It was so out of the blue and devastating. I honestly think it affected me more than most other bombshells from most shows including the red wedding and other such awful moments from all the greats. I have gone cold turkey. I spent the ep crying and insisting i hated the show, especially because they'd made me love it so. I have refused point blank to watch it since. I just can't. My boyfriend has told me I can have the week and then I have to push through. And I will. Reluctantly. Very very very reluctantly. So I advise people to watch it but steel yourself for pain. And I mean pain.

I also had some good news today. Mydoctor took some bloods last week and one of them was to check for diabetes. I was terrified that I had gone too far and irreparably damaged my body but thankfully it was all good news. In fact excellent news. My bloods were perfect. My cholesterol was perfect my liver, kidneys and heart functioning to the best of their ability. Most importantly, no diabetes. I think this was the fright I needed. I might not be so lucky the next time if I continue without changing anything. So I was really pleased to hear this and I was able to take a proper breath for the first time since I had the bloods.

Just because I'm in a good mood I'm going to throw in a bonus pic of my adorable little worm kitten sitting in my washing machine!

So that would be my update for the moment. I am, again going to try do this more regularly (I don't think it will ever happen) but we'll see. I'm now going to go back to pacing in my kitchen watching tv and trying to hit 10,000 steps today!

The tiredness is getting to me.

So I missed yesterday, I guess technically I've messed up my NYR's already however, they are supposed to motivate me not harm me so I missed a day but it's ok!I will miss more!It's life, all I can do is my best on the days that I can.

So I just finished four 10 hour shifts and I'm so tired. Four ten hour shifts with toddlers. I am so tired. I am looking forward to reaquainting myself with the bottom of a wine bottle. I'm particualrly bad for not counting alcohol calories but to be perfectly honest I don't care about the calories in it. I spend my life counting calories, worrying about every morsel I put in my mouth, feeling guilty about anything extra that slips in and I am not a big drinker. I drink maybe once every two weeks and when I do I just don't care about the calories. It is the only thing I allow myself guiltfree. I know people have ideas about this but thats their personal opinion and this is mine. I am looking forward to letting loose this evening. Letting loose and binge watching "The Good Wife". Somebody stop me.

Anyway the last two days were fine. Im going for a walk now. I didn't get any exercise yesterday and I'm not over the moon about that but its cool. I was on my feet so much this week I feel like it will be ok!

Two days complete in my diray.

two more days down.

I'm getting batteries for my scales tomorrow so then it will be D-Day. We'll see if I am actually doing well!!

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/food/diary/queasy

Day 1. I think the fit people are on to me.

So this will be short and sweet, I'm back to the daily toil tomorrow and I am turning in ealry to compensate for two weeks of breaking good habits and staying in bed till ten every day.

Today was alamost a disaster.

But I turned it around. Yes I did. (I may be listening to James Morrison right now, I'm getting all soulful!)

I started off great. Up relatively early, healthy brekkie (ish, its  the first day after Christmas a completely healthy breakfast would be a shock to the system) some rice cakes for snack time and then an absolutely delicious lunch of spicy stir fried turkey and some sweet potato wedges. Don't worry I'm not going to document my food every single day, there is a point to this. I was doing good. Being resolved. There's definitely strong cravings for choccy after pretty much giving  into every craving after Xmas but I was doing it in moderation but then my boyfriend suggested a relaxed evening in for our last day off and things caught up with me.

We sat down and tucked into "The Good Wife" and two eps in my resolve was waning. I was tired and the thought of making something healthful for supper was just so daunting. I was also failing on the first day  to get some specifically exercise related activity into my day. Feeling a bit silly and sorry for myself I went over for one pancake, just one of course, with nutella because you can't have pancakes without that.

Fast forward to half eight and I'm sitting on the couch having eaten three, yes three pancakes with Nutella.

The old me would have thought "well, fuck it there's day one gone, we'll start again tomorrow".

I wouldn't have logged my failures, I would have left my diary unfinished and sat there pretending I was actively trying to loose weight. By sitting on a couch scoffing Nutella. So that was a bit of a reality check for me.

Failing three of my four resolutions on day one. Same old me. However something in my head slid oh so gracefully into place and I sat up, entered all my nutella, every last gram (because I weighed it as I binged, cause obviously if you know how much you're eating the calories don't exist, right?) and the three pancakes and then I turned to my boyfriend and told him to get his shoes we were going outside.

So at nine o clock at night we hit off down the road and half an hour later (he's a slower walker than me I would have done it in 25 mins, I swear) we'd done 2.5 km which doesn't seem like much but it was a little success for me. I didn't give up completely because I made some bad choices. I didn't hide from said bad choices and pretend they didn't happen. I owned up to every calorie and I got up and moved.

It's a small but important victory for me. I will sleep comfortably tonight knowing that there one day down of 365.

It may not have been a perfect day but it was a success.

One day down, 364 to go.

p.s just to verify, my diary is viewable here. You'll just have to trust I'm honest. In the end of the day I'm only fooling myself by...ahem ahem...omitting.

Things never go to plan do they?

I am going to stop making plans for anything other than the day I am currently living.

What's the saying "While you make plans God's laughing"? Well someone is definitely laughing.

You know how I was planning my super exciting week last week with all my days off etc. Well of course that didn't happen. Oh no. I went out last week to the kids I mind only to discover that the two kids were sick with an awful tummy bug and guess what? By day two I had caught it. I ended up leaving an hour early and I was sick until Thursday and then on Thursday night, Paul (my boyfriend) got sick. Yep. Three days later and we wre barely over it as a house. Every. Single. Plan. Was. Laid. To. Waste.

So I started this week fresh and basically was just wrecked the whole time. Kids are tiring! So today I am fresh and fighting fit! I've been up since seven cleaning and organising (and watching Alphas) and I'm currently sitting here trying to decide what type of scone to bake. I'm leaning towards peanut butter and chocolate because...well because chocolate and peanut butter...no other because needed.

I am in Heaven. 

I sent my boyf off to college this morning and he was checking would I be alright etc. Honestly. I couldn't wait to get him out the door. I have the house to myself. To do whatever I want. To clean and organise without him trailing around behind me making it messy again. I might even play his playstation. Of course as always happens in the week following a sickness I also have a tonne of jobs to do and a to do list on my ipod as long as my leg. I need to go to the post office, buy kitty litter, go to my parents house, paint furniture, buy paint brushes, tax the car, collect my parking permit...shall I continue? I don't think theres a need. My biggest fear is that I won't make good use of my days. I'm used to not having time and squishing everything in and now I have loads. It's kind of scary.

Maybe an overreaction.

But maybe you get my point. It's like letting a kid into a toy store and saying you can choose any one item that you want now go. Theres just so much to choose from I can't pick any one thing. My brain is going five million miles a minute here with all the things I can do.

So I suppose I should just start right?
Instead of sitting here blogging.

I'm going to go bake my scones get rid of all the boring jobs and then....then I am going to the charity warehouse near our house to buy some new furniture. Talk about child in a toy store..I may just die from happiness. It's normally closed when I'm off!!!

Big woop for life changes!

To an unscheduled life!

TODAY IS THE DAY!!!

Today.is.my.last.day.in.the.office.

TODAY IS MY LAST DAY IN THE OFFICE!

TODAY IS MY LAST DAY IN THE OFFICE!!!

I'm so excited...and I just can't hide it...and yes I am listening to The Pointer Sisters right now!

Never in my life has there been a more appropriate time.

My life literally starts today! Well it starts officially at half five I suppose!

I have instructed my boyfriend to be outside at 5:30 because I will not be able to wait to share my absolute elation with him!!!

I will have to hold off doing an insane little dance till we get down the street a little because this year may have been awful but I am not so rude as to show how excited I am never to see this place again!

Of course I can't celebrate fully tonight as I am in fact working in my new job tomorrow! Minding the babógs (babies for those irishly challenged), so tonight I will be frequenting my favorite Indian with my boy and two of our friends and going for a drink or two. Tomorrow night however I intend on partying like it is 1999, a year in which I would have been nine, which I feel is actually appropriate because I feel like I will have the excitement level of a child at Christmas!

On a complete aside can I just mention how much I am Loving , with a capital L, Meghan Trainors "All about that Bass". Loving celebrating us Size Queens!

So back on track, today is the last day of my awful job and I couldn't be more excited. Leaving work will never be so awesome ever again. Until then I am going to get the place ready for the next poor soul and then do the minimum amount of work I possibly can to make up for all those days I left ages after close of business!!!!



To new beginnings!

Does anyone out there love rainy days?

Cause I love rainy days!

You'd think that living in Ireland I would be sick and tired of the rain and I can't deny that there are days when I wake up and look and see rain..again...and again and again and I just want to scream but I do love particular types of rainy days!

You know lovely winter Sundays when you have nothing to do but ramble around your house in your cosy pyjamas, with a big warm scarf and a cosy cup of tea and look at the rain outside your window. I love those days oh so much.

I'm sitting in the office (my second last day here as it happens, tomorrow at 5:30 will be one of the best days of my life!) looking out the window and it is getting overcast and unlike the many people out there who are probably praying the rain away I'm hoping it will arrive! I want it to rain before I leave work. I want to get soaked walking home and jump straight into a hot shower when I get in the door. I want to get out and jump straight into my pyjamas and curl up in bed with my boyfriend and binge watch "Law and Order: SVU".

God I love the winter.

So alot has changed in my life in the last few weeks. It's all about to change even more now. All exciting changes and all good. My two best friends are pregnant! I'm so excited for them! Soon we'll have two little tiny babies for me to dote over and the girls are going to be wonderful mothers!

But with this brings a lot of changes. Gone are our wild nights out and hungover days watching movies. My girly nights now are going to consist of ice cream and movies and early nights but I'm ok with that. It does mean however that I am going to be at a loose end when it comes to blowing off a little steam away from the boyf and I don't think this is a bad thing either. Drinks with the girls was always a nice way to unwind but it's probably not the healthiest way to do it.

Leaving my awful, soul sucking, hellish  lovely job is literally going to open up a world of possibilities to me. I am leaving my full time "cushy" office job as a receptionist to become a part time childminder/furniture restorer. Everyone in my life thinks I am insane. I'm fairly certain my parents want to catch me and shake me till my silly "ideals" fall out of my head but in fairness they were the ones who encouraged me to do what made me happy. They just thought that what made me happy would mean teaching like my mother. What a rude awakening they received.

But I will show them all!

First and foremost my new career move has opened up more time for me. I have, for all my life been working or in school or in college as have most people, however for me. growing up on a farm there was no such thing as "free time". If I wasn't busy, or I didn't have plans then I was working. It didn't leave a lot of me time.

When I left for college I had more time but there was always an assignment to do or a class to attend or even just some social event of some sort that took up my time and I didn't pursue my hobbies half as much as I'd have liked too. I went straight into full time work as soon as I finished college and lets just say my time management is not the best and I'm usually being dragged between cleaning, cooking, shopping, family, friends, gym and my boyfriend. Again not leaving much time for me. So to tie everything back together and prove I am not just rambling aimlessly my new job means tha I will have a two day week every second week and a four day week every other. That gives me alot of time off. I've been dreaming about it these last few weeks in the office. And this is indefinitely as well. But as I dreamed something has dawned on me. I don't really know what to do with my time.

Well that's not true, I have six million things to do with my time my pinterest boards alone will attest to that but I guess I';m just not used to having so much alone time free to fill with whatever I want and not what I'm obliged to do. And in thinking about this I realised how very little time I have to myself to blow off steam and to unwind. In living and working with my boyfriend (in our furniture business) I am very rarely alone. Like entirely alone. Without interruption.

My idea of unwinding is going to meet the girls but as I mentioned they won't be at my constant disposal anymore because they've got their own busy lives to handle.

It has begun to dawn on me that for the first time in my life I have time.

Time to pursue all the projects, hobbies and plans I've put aside for "Next week" for the last few years. And not only that but I'll also have money.

Good lord. I've hit the jackpot.

And I am so excited. My brain may just implode.

Which would be a shame, I'd miss all my lovely time!!!

I have millions of plans and the top of my list is to become good at managing this free time because I'm afraid it will come upon me and I will just spin in a circle like a miserable little headless chicken never fully committing to one project or plan because I'll be trying to do them all at one time!

And I want to make something of this blog.

I like writing, I wouldn't have a degree in English and History if I didn't!

So I'd like to pick a major project each week and try to document my life change here.

I'm going from having my life dictated by those around me to becoming the master of my own destiny for the first time ever and it is the most exciting thing that has ever happened to me.

I want a record of this time. I want to look back at sixty and say I did that. I learned how to give myself time, I stopped putting the things that give me pleasure in life on the long finger and I just did them. I feel brave at the moment, terrified of the big change deep down and daunted almost by all this unscheduled life, but over all I feel brave and excited. I feel like there will be bad weeks and good weeks but for the first time ever I am doing something that is for me.

So here's my question, given all the free time you've ever wanted what would you do?