The tiredness is getting to me.

So I missed yesterday, I guess technically I've messed up my NYR's already however, they are supposed to motivate me not harm me so I missed a day but it's ok!I will miss more!It's life, all I can do is my best on the days that I can.

So I just finished four 10 hour shifts and I'm so tired. Four ten hour shifts with toddlers. I am so tired. I am looking forward to reaquainting myself with the bottom of a wine bottle. I'm particualrly bad for not counting alcohol calories but to be perfectly honest I don't care about the calories in it. I spend my life counting calories, worrying about every morsel I put in my mouth, feeling guilty about anything extra that slips in and I am not a big drinker. I drink maybe once every two weeks and when I do I just don't care about the calories. It is the only thing I allow myself guiltfree. I know people have ideas about this but thats their personal opinion and this is mine. I am looking forward to letting loose this evening. Letting loose and binge watching "The Good Wife". Somebody stop me.

Anyway the last two days were fine. Im going for a walk now. I didn't get any exercise yesterday and I'm not over the moon about that but its cool. I was on my feet so much this week I feel like it will be ok!

Two days complete in my diray.

two more days down.

I'm getting batteries for my scales tomorrow so then it will be D-Day. We'll see if I am actually doing well!!

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/food/diary/queasy

Movtivation Wanted! Apply within!

Good god. I am so sick of this bouncing around. I went down so quick I gained so quick. I know that I will never get where I need to unless i stick with my goals.

I have to incorporate excercise into my routine. I cannot seem to make myself to get out of the chair and go to the gym, go to the pool, go for a walk!

I have had a bad few weeks. My boyfriend told me something really serious about two weeks ago and it's really hit me hard. Something quite awful happened to him around the time that we got together and I never knew. It explains alot about things we've argued about over the last year and it's going to take a long time to work through it. Honestly it's really upsetting me. I don't really know how to get over this but we will. It's also a really sensitive situation and it's going to be difficult to learn how to work with this but we'll get there.

However something good has also come from this. We discussed it and currently we live with several people in a lovely big house but because theres six of us theres never any space and it's been getting to me quite a bit. I often find the kitchen occupied and by the time its free I don't feel like cooking. Also we can't freeze stuff because we only have one measly little freezer drawer. For example this evening when I cook dinner I have to use half the amount I normally would and try make just two portions when it would be easier to make a big batch, eat some and freeze the rest. Then on those evenings when I get home tired and takeaway seems easier I'd have a ready made healthy meal in the freezer.

So long story short we're getting our own apartment and it will do wonders for us. I'll have space and a clean house and my own fridge with a big freezer etc. So over all it's been a pretty crazy few weeks and my weight is really getting me down at the moment. I'm trying to stay positive and upbeat about myself but it's hard when I cannot get down past 18 stone. I just want to see seventeen on the scales again. I know the only way this will happen is to get off my ass and go for a walk. And then eat healthy. And avoid sugar. And carbs. Simples right?

Not.

habits newly formed

So I'm taking a leaf out of people all around the internets books and I'm going to try and do my own little version.

I need things to be easy or I get disheartened. (a.k.a known as I'm a quitter!) I've tried running and I've done quite well with it, at one point I was running 6k and I was super proud of myself but for hundreds of reasons to tired and boring to write down here I gave up!

When I see tall, lean girls obviously bursting with power sprinting on the beach loving their bodies I get so jealous. I know what it felt like when I finished that first six k with a sprint and felt alive and awesome and then I stopped soon after.

I told myself a million things but the truth is I want to be a person who runs!

I want to be fit and flexible. And I think that a combination of Pilates and running will help me achieve the body and level of fitness I crave.

And I'm going to ease myself into it initially.

So heres my little plan...I will set up two or three small goals for the week, each week and complete them and nothing more. I tend to start, feel a bit stronger and push to hard and start to hate the stuff.

So here we go!

now technically it's the end of a week and i also have my weigh in days on tuesday so I think Monday and Tues are the days I'll pick. Now until then I'm going to give myself a leg up and start today and then officially start on Monday!

Week 1
5 x 5 x 5 x 5 

• 5 sit up/ab exercises
• 5 press ups
• 5 minutes jogging/running (intervals to begin with)
• 5 minutes Pilates

I'm also going to include 5 minutes of stretching and five minutes of cooldown too.

I can easily fit these into my daily routine(which is my main excuse for skipping out) and for this wekk this is all I'm going to do. Just ease myself into it!

To hold myself accountable I'm going to check in everyday I'm doing it (I'm going to do six days, rest on sunday) I might cut it back to five when I start reaching higher levels of things and what not but as it stands that really is a doddle so I can't justify cutting it any more!

So I'm hoping that in twelve or thirteen weeks time I'll be doing quite well fitness wise!
I hope!