Day 3,4,5,6 I'm not sure how many really! And the lovely realization that I'm not doing this alone.

So I've cleared my first major hurdle.

Weekends.

They never cease to be my downfall....except well this weekend...they did.

Weekends are so difficult for me. Weekends and evenings really. Basically any time I'm at home for long periods of time.

Normal Friday evenings consist of my leaving work with great intentions, getting home and flopping on the couch and watching my intentions up and leave, running out the door throwing a pizza delivery menu on the table as they fly by me.

It was so easy to give in. And then afterwards I would stew in my feelings of guilt and regret wondering was I just going to look and feel like this forever. It was so hard to resist this weekend but my god did I feel incredible after it. And what was even better was my boyfriend noticing the "little things" and congratulating me for them.

When I lost weight the first time I was determined and I did almost get there, for a time and I did it without the support of my family. They thought they were supporting and my dad tried really hard but there's too much history there and the tempers continued (when I say "the" I mean "mine") to flair. The subject was just too touchy. As for the other family members...well my sister insisted on eating all of my own food that I bought specifically and my mothers suddenly started offering me sweets left right and center, a saboteur to the bone.

Everything is different this time around. I don't live at home for one so my food is my food and also my boyfriend wants whats best for me and unlike my dad there's no touchy subjects there. I feel completely supported and he was incredible this weekend.

On Saturday night we had a few *ahem ahem* drinks with friends and had a great night and wandered home quite late. Now I know technically, I shouldn't be drinking if possible but I had to give myself something. So anyway I woke up Sunday nursing a lovely hangover and nursing some not so lovely cravings for a great dirty cheeseburger. After collecting our thoughts and meeting up with friends for a bit Paul begged to be brought to Mc D's for a greasy double cheesy, exactly what I was craving. I agreed and steeled myself the whole way there. I was starving. We had gone to a friends to recover for a bit and I planned being home earlier so I hadn't brought food with me. I resisted the girls attempts to fill me with toast and sandwiches and then sat in the car with my stomach growling teetering between excuses to eat a burger and the imminent guilty feelings I knew to expect if I gave in.

Technically my diet allowed for a burger every now and then. It would have meant going carbfree for the rest of the day but I could do that!And I mean a burger is protein right?Just one last time! I battled all these thoughts the whole way down until the voice I acquire with this diet said "Seriously are you going to put that shitty, processed crap into your system?" and I answered quite simply "no". So I pulled up and I ordered 2 Double cheeseburgers for my greedy worm boyfriend (who is a healthy weight for his height and can afford the odd burger) and a coke for him and...nothing for myself. The instant I did it I felt a swell of pride. This was only bolstered by my boyfriends shocked response. I did not expect any congrats or pats on the back. I'm used to this being my own personal battle, as it should be, and was shocked when my boyfriend asked "Did you just drive through the drive through and not order anything for yourself?" which I had of course. What left his mouth next was something I hadn't really heard before. "Baby I'm so proud of you!". It felt so good to hear. He knew I could have had a burger without any pounds piling on but he was proud of me for not eating the  bad stuff and he acknowledged how hard it must have been for me to do it. I was glowing after it. Not only did I feel proud and in control myself, my boyfriend was showing he actually understood what I was going through.

The icing on the cake was when he turned to me last night as we recuperated on the couch and said "congratulations you did it!" I wasn't sure what I had "done" until I asked to which he replied "you got through the whole weekend and stuck to your diet" for the second time that day he surprised me and I'm sure he will continue to as long as we're together and I went to sleep last night knowing that I could do it this time because I had his support. Real, unbiased, loving support from someone who doesn't care if I loose weight, stay the same or gain a few more pounds as long as I am happy.

I finally have someone who loves me just they way I am no if's or buts and I think that is the difference between my success and failure. I guess I will have to get used to the fact that I am not on my own any more!!