The cherry on top of the cake? I decided that I would weigh myself a day early. Always a bad idea but honestly I knew what the results were going to be. In fact as I waited for the little dots that signfy my scales is thinking/weighing me to countdown I guessed my weight in my head to within 3/4s of a pound. "18 stone 11" I thought. Well add the 3/4's and I'm almost back to my starting weight. Again.
Now this weekend I had two parties and a lot of alcohol. A lot. I also had two slices of cake and a burger and a lot of chicken. Now I know that it's not about the bad meal. It was the drink. I know. and then I spent Sunday carb loading and now I'm up three pounds. And I looked at the scales and thought "Why?Why do I sabotage myself?" I got through two weeks of good eating and two weeks of bad to undo all the good.
And add another month onto my life as an 18 stoner.
I know what to do to loose the weight but for some reason I just can't keep it up. Some reason, probably that I'm lazy, I cannot commit to things and I am quite self pitying. I spend nintey per cent of my time thinking about how it sucks that I can't eat like everyone else/my boyfriend/my sister and wondering why me? Why can't I eat what I want/drink what I want etc.
The reality of it is that yes I cannot eat sweet things as much as I want etc but if I can stick with this and work in exercise to my daily routine and healthy eating into my lifestyle.
I need to learn discipline. I need to learn that I can eat well six out of seven days and then have a slice of cake if I want on the seventh and that that slice of cake cannot send me into a spiral of sugar. And I need to realise the benefits of my healthy lifestyle over the lifestyles of my boyfriend and sister and best friends who are tiny. At some point most people have to start looking after themselves better. I just got there a little earlier.
I know there are massive benefits. For example I don't like how I am right now. There's a reason I am this way so change it. The problem is that it's hard work, it's not instantaneous. If someone walked in now and said I can make you your ideal weight right this instance there is only one condition, you can never eat chocolate again. I wouldn't even bat an eyelid I'd be on that so fast. And realistically that's not even what I have to do. I just have to give it up some of the time and wait for results.
what are the pros?
- I will lose weight.
- When that happens I will feel good about myself.
- I will be healthy
- I will be fit.
- I will not feel like I'm going to crush my boyfriend if I sit on his lap.
- I can shop where ever the hell I want.
- I will live to see my kids(that I have not had yet) graduate and get married.
- I will have more energy to play with said kids when the time comes..
- I will be more organised and together because I will feel good and in controll.
- I will be happier
- I can wear a bikini.
- I can do everything with more ease and grace(something I am not renowned for)
- I can take up a sport again.
- I will look good effortlessly because I won't wear frumpy cardigans to hide my arms.
- I can sunbathe(within reason, I don't want to end up with skin cancer)
- I will be able to run, fast, without breaking a sweat.
- I will be able to keep up with my little brother when we're playing.
- I will feel comfortable in my skin.
- I will fit into the seats at the theatre/the cinema/the bus/the airoplane/many others comfortably.
- I will be able to cross my legs without ending up sitting there with my knee almost touching my face
And there's twenty...shall I continue? And continue i could. I could make lists of pros for days.
The cons of loosing weight I hear you cry?
- I can't eat whatever I want whenever I want.
- .............yeah thats about it.
So it should be obvious and simple right?
Right?
.....I think at this point there is no option for me. It's about time, or rather well past time that I realised that I either eat myself skinny or I eat myself into an early grave.
And on that morbid note I will end.
Until next time.
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